Teacher Guilt - What is a ‘holiday’?

With a few days left of a very welcome half term, I’m reflecting on how I have spent my ’holiday’. I say ‘holiday’ because as a teacher it’s never a proper, fully-fledged holiday, there’s always some work to do. For all those people who said to me, “ooh yeah, be a teacher, they get amazing holidays!”, well, that’s not entirely accurate...

Approaching my first half term as a fully qualified teacher, I knew I would need a break away, especially after a long eight week half term - which by the way should be illegal! We planned to join in with our annual family trip to Devon, found ourself a lovely Air B&B, and took in the beautiful sights. We walked the Dawlish coast, enjoyed family time full of laughter and love, and relished in only being responsible for myself, instead of the usual thirty pupils in front of me.

And then we return, helllloooo holiday blues! Once we unpacked it was time for bed. Immediately as I laid there I began to question if I was indeed “refreshed” and ”recuperated” and “ready for a new half term”. I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure how I felt. I thought about all the amazing memories we had made on our mini-break and how it was was so wonderful to be in the fresh air, taking in the beautiful scenery and not looking at a laptop screen for FOUR WHOLE DAYS!

I made a conscious decision not to take my laptop on holiday, knowing just how easy and persuading it is to “pop” into your emails, and then immediately regret the past half an hour you‘ve spent in your inbox. I made a timetable for when I got home to ensure all the work to-dos would be ticked off in time for Sunday evening, to calm my manic stresses and hopefully avoid any last minute panics!

Now that I‘m two days back into the hard work, having spent two days planning schemes of work for a variety of year groups, exam preparation and engaging lessons, the teacher guilt is kicking in. That’s right, teacher guilt. Well, if people can get mum guilt and dad guilt for overworking, there must be a thing called teacher guilt. The guilt you feel when you are working but should be on ‘holiday’, or when you don’t pay attention to someone because your mental to-do list is hitting the milky-way and beyond, or when you’re worried you’re not putting yourself first enough.

What I’ve realised is that as a teacher -especially a NQT - you really question what the word ‘holiday’ means. After chatting to my colleagues I’ve realised that each of us view ’holidays’ differently and most importantly that that is ok. If you want to spend your whole half term planning and boss through till Christmas, you do that! If you want a well-earned break, you take it! And if your idea of perfect half-term is a bit of both, then that’s fine too!

So, as I lay here watching a full episode of Eastenders for the first time in months, I’m desperately trying to not feel guilty that this half an hour could be spent more productively, and to benefit the pupils I’ll be teaching again next week.

But I know I work my hardest and always take care in my work and teaching. I‘m glad I can look back at memories I have made this week, the moments that I have relaxed, laughed and loved. But I also am proud of the balance I have struck with work and home life, enjoying both being parted from and reuniting with my laptop!

So teachers, how did you spend your half term? Any teacher guilt present? How have you treated yourself this ‘holiday’? Whatever you did, I hope you’ve enjoyed it! 7 weeks till the next one! Have a fabulous half term!